Many years ago when I was a young lawyer, every so often I would ask my boss if he wanted to go for a walk at lunch and eat a sandwich in the park. It was a great way to connect and we rarely ever talked about work during those walks. We talked about family, sport, cars and world affairs.
Recently I saw him at a function and he reminded me about those walks and how he always appreciated the company. That was the thing he most remembered. He didn’t remember the cases I won or the fees I earned. Nor the new clients I brought into the firm.
It made me think, at the end of the day, whatever our title and our position, we are humans that crave connection. Always remember that. Whether you are going for a job interview or watching your idol at a music concert, the person you see yearns for the same things you do – food, water and honest connection.
It reminds me of something a nurse once told me. (He worked in a nursing home looking after the elderly). He said, “Sam, any human physical ailment can be managed, but loneliness is very painful for the heart. Humans need humans. We need company as much as we need air to breathe. We need that connection with others. Without it, we die emotionally. And that is the saddest thing to witness.”
I know that Mondays I usually post something on work performance but I thought I would mention this need for human connection because, as much as charity starts at the home, so it also does at work. Being charitable with our time and company is what the other person sometimes needs the most. It does not only have to be your boss that you ask out to lunch. It could be someone that just started at work or someone that needs an ear. You never know. This connection might also lead to improved performance at work. I did some of my best work when I forged a powerful alliance with someone at work.
No one can ever be successful in life or business if they do not have the support and love of their family. You may be a corporate leader or a business owner. And your sole focus is making money and providing for your family. I get it. I’ve been there.
But let me ask you this. Have you ever noticed how the best and most successful athletes in the world always have their family in the crowd watching? Why? It’s because family supports us. They help us overcome obstacles and setbacks. Family also reminds us that whether we succeed or fail we are loved unconditionally. And that makes us play harder and be fearless.
So how do you foster a good family life? Here are some tips I have learned along the way.
1. NEVER PUT WORK AHEAD OF YOUR FAMILY – especially your children.
2. GIVE FAMILY YOUR TIME – not just your money. Going shopping or watching TV does not count as quality time. Talking and really listening is how you develop a bond.
3. TURN YOUR PHONE OFF WHEN YOU ARE AT HOME.
A lot of people in sales fall into this trap. They feel that they have to be at call 24 hours. They don’t want to miss a call. But customers do not expect that. They expect to deal with someone real.
A sincere voice mail fixes that. “If my phone is off, it means I am spending time with my family or serving another customer. But rest assured when I do get your message I will call you back and give you my upmost attention.”
4. TURN ELECTRONIC NOTIFICATIONS OFF. You know what I am talking about here: rings, vibrations telling you that you have email or SMS. The other dangerous thing about notifications is that it constantly trains our mind to focus on what else we should be doing next? Instead of what is happening now. It takes us out of the moment. We hear our family talking to us but we are not really listening. Turn them off and check emails and SMS when you want to.
5. BRAIN DUMP in your diary at the end of each day. Write your ‘to do’ for the next day. It gets things out of your mind so you can switch off and focus on your family.
Frugality is Power! Here are 8 Tips to help you take control.
Last Friday I wrote about ‘living within your means’ as a way of fostering a happy family. This week I feel compelled to write more about this important issue and provide some practical tips on how to be frugal. Don’t switch off just yet? I know, I know, you may not be short of a dollar and neither am I. But this is not just about budgeting and surviving, it’s more than that. It’s about setting an example for your family and about proving something to yourself. It’s about taking back control. Please read on and share this with people you care about.
CONFESSIONS OF A SHOPAHOLLIC
People and businesses are still hurting from this Great Recession. Some are even struggling to put food on the table. To learn how to live in this new economy, which has been described as the “worst in a generation” we must go back and remind ourselves of what caused the problem. I think Newsweek magazine put the answer simply: It was caused by “A frenzy of irresponsible borrowing.”
On a macro level I believe that corporations and governments have to accept that they created this issue by peddling a culture of greed. A message of ‘buy! Buy! buy!’ whether you can pay for it or not. Consequently, “A generation has learned the hard way the dangers of borrowing too much,” explains economist Chris Farrell in his book The New Frugality.
On a micro level I think that it’s time for us individually to take back control. Its time for the little guy to say ‘no’ to the advertising agencies that con us into buying stuff we don’t need. And time to say ‘no’ to the stock market that measures a corporation’s performance by the number of high-margin widgets it can sell to unsuspecting consumers. And time to say ‘no’ to growth in GDP as a measure of a community’s wealth.
Whilst the mainstream media is telling us a lot about the problem, there is little information provided on how to be frugal. In this journal I want to share with you how my family is taking back control of our spending patterns. We have been doing so since August 2007, when the GFC was first felt.
Controlling spending is the best way to beat the system that has let us all down. If you know how to live frugally and keep your greed in check you will live life on your own terms, without regard for money. This is the ultimate freedom of choice in a democracy.
There is power in knowing that you can control your spending habits. There is power in knowing that you can live a great happy life without regard for money. There is power in knowing that you can grow your vegetables if you have to. There is power in knowing that you can walk or cycle to work instead of driving a car and burning fuel. There is power in knowing that true happiness comes from having close family and friends and not from buying material belongings that eventually find their way into the attic collecting dust.
Here my Tips (Please share these with people you care about):
First, when you go through good financial times, save some money! Put aside as much as you can. Start a ‘rainy day’ fund. Having this will take the pressure off. And you won’t feel like you are carrying a financial burden around with you all day. This advice also applies to businesses large or small. (Please make sure that you deposit your savings with bank that is government guaranteed.)
Second, before buying an expensive item, consider whether it is really necessary. Sleep on it. Don’t be impulsive. If you think that this purchase is going to make you happy, its time to step back and examine what is going on in your life. Buying things to make you happy is often a sign of insecurity and having ‘no life’.
Third, if you decide you really need to buy something, search for items that are on sale or look for good used items. In my business, I do not buy the latest software. When people were buying 2007 version of Microsoft Office, I went and bought the 2003 version. It did the same job and we saved thousands of dollars in software licensing fees.
Fourth, don’t buy new cars. A business associate of mine recently bought an S class Mercedes Benz for a tenth of the price of the new model. He said something to me that was thought-provoking. He said, “the new model is not worth paying the extra $100,000 for.” And he is right. We pay so much more for the privilege of being an early adopter. Why? It makes no sense. We would have gladly bought the car 5 years ago for a bargain price, why the difference now?
Fifth, don’t buy clothes from popular name brands. There are many local designers who sell clothes for a fraction of the price. When it comes to children’s clothing, rather than buy the latest styles at expensive stores, why not use hand-me-downs?
Sixth, cook at home. It costs less to buy ingredients and cook meals than it does to eat out, period! My wife and I go to the farmers market every week and get the kids to help us select produce. On Sundays, we sit and talk as we prepare the meal. We bond and the children learn so much. We also teach the kids to prepare sandwiches for school.
Seventh, Grow your own vegetable garden. More and more smart people are doing so. It is not only relaxing and healthier for you but also saves you lots of money. By growing six of the most common vegetables, an average family can save up to $3,500 per year!
Eighth, here are a few more that I learned from my parents: a/ Limit use of cell phone, it’s costly and bad for your brain. b/ limit use of a dryer, hang washing in the sun. c/ Limit use of air conditioners and heaters to extreme weather only.
If you are in debt, please email me and I can send you information on how to get out of debt. And don’t worry, I am not gonna try and sell you something! My email: sam@sammakhoul.com
I have to confess that I only blog, post, and tweet when I am inspired to. But today my EA ordered me to make a public pledge. The pledge is that I will start sharing my journal with you at least twice a week – One for the workweek ahead and one for the weekend. So here is my weekend journal entry.
It’s personal. It’s about family. I remind myself of this important lesson every Friday.
LIVE WITHIN YOUR MEANS
This is something I usually share with my closest friends. But with your permission I would like to journal it today because this is something that is very important. It is frankly where most families go wrong.
In my early career as a lawyer I handled many divorce cases. It was heart breaking to see couples that once adored each other break-up simply because they did not know how to manage their finances. And the biggest mistake they made was not living within their means. I especially came across many executives that bought a big house in a fancy neighbourhood and a flash car – this was their idea of wealth.
There is of course nothing wrong with having a nice home and a nice car. The problem however comes if you borrow too much money to be able to afford it. To me true wealth is about having the freedom to do what you want when you want. So where’s the freedom in working hard to pay off things that you do not get to enjoy because you are too busy working to pay them off?
So, my message here is that we should all aim to keep it simple. Our children don’t care whether they sit on a $20 Ikea chair or a $500 designer chair when enjoying the evening meal. Instead of going to a restaurant to have dinner, why not go to a farmers market and buy produce that you can prepare yourself as a family team. You will be developing a bond, having fun and learning how to cook.
There are many other ways to live a frugal life without compromising your lifestyle. It’s true; the simple and most delightful things in life are in fact free. You just have to be creative and make a conscious effort to think of them. You must be just as efficient in managing this aspect of your life as keenly as you would your career.
You know, I have heard that in some religions a couple must get spiritual advice before they get married. Well I think that couples should also get financial advice before they commit to building a future together. Finance is something we cannot ignore in our life. I have witnessed that the families that manage it well are often the most successful.
I must confess something. It’s rare that I get annoyed at anything but I am really tired of reading adverts and books on how to get rich quick or how to work less and earn more. I am also tired of the mantra ‘work smarter, not harder’.
We are all working smart these days but there are not enough of us working hard. I believe that is what’s wrong with Western World economies. We do not lack intelligence. We lack a strong work ethic. We constantly focus on making money quickly.
I want to share with you THREE pieces of advice that I give to my business-coaching clients:
1. Build your business brick by brick, day-by-day. There is no easier way.
2. Stick to what you know best. Do NOT diversify into areas of no competence. And do not invest your money on the stock market. Re-invest it into your own business where you have control. That’s where you will make the most money. I knew a guy who was one of the top mortgage brokers in Sydney. He made a lot of money. Instead of opening more offices and hiring more staff and expanding he invested in a café. He lost $400,000 and even worse took his eye off his business. He lost it all and had to rebuild.
3. Stay focused on the micro. Ignore what is happening with the macro-economic picture. You cannot control that. Focus on what you can control. And don’t watch the business news. It is full of bad news and paralyses you into inaction. (nobody ever reports the good news) There are a lot of businesses that are quietly making a lot of money because they have a great brand, a great product, and they stay focused on adding value to their customers. Look at apple!
Anyway, that’s my rant for the week. Hope you wok harder, stay focused and run your own race. Oh and don’t forget to work just as hard on your health and family life 😉
